Hey People!
Sorry I've been gone finals have been kicking my ass! But, Wednesday is the last day of school so I'll be all yours again!
Any who of course I got an interesting story, a tale of some bullshit!
You know when I was a little girl my Uncle Mark always used to tease me about my big butt! He would always let me know, that when I grew up my boyfriend would love me for it though! Considering I was a little girl, and insecure about this big ol' Rice n Peas butt, I didn't know what he was talking about. I thought I was fat!
Fast forward I grew up and my butt grew in size as well, and my Uncle Marky never lied! The Boys loved me for it. Well at least the ones that could handle the butt did! Lol.
With that said one of my bootylicous girlfriends went out with this rapper, with only one record under his belt the other night and check what he had to say!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Nicole Spence: He’s Afraid of a Big Ol Butt?
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Why Are Black People Not Getting Married?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Can someone legally make the cosby show into a porno?
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Click here to watch the video trailer – hilarious!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Black Love, Black Sex and HIV
It's a warm summer night. A young man sits on the corner of Broadway and 12th Street in downtown Oakland sipping from a bottle of Hennessey. Bored and looking for a sexual fling with no strings attached, the young man dials up The Biosphere, a popular social networking tool that anyone with access to a phone can use to meet people in their area. It's basically a party line for random hookups and one-time sexual encounters.
As soon as he gets through, he hears the disclaimer that The Biosphere is not responsible for any actions or consequences that may result from meeting someone online. An hour later, the young man finds himself in the company of a complete stranger -- names don't matter since they're probably all made up. Besides, the odds are against the two of them making a love connection. Ten minutes in, they're engaged in some extremely risky behavior.
The young man is only 17, a senior in high school, from a good home, and curious about exploring his sexuality.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Mother, Wife and Businesswomen: How do you Balance?
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Black Barbies Come Out – What do you think?
Grace, Kara and Trichelle were created to fill a void for young black girls who for so long have been playing with dolls that don't look like them.
Stacy McBride-Irby, creator of the new Barbie, poses with the dolls.
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The new black Barbies released by Mattel have fuller lips, curlier hair and other features that the company says more accurately represent African-American women.
Some have cheered the new dolls. Others jeered them, saying they're not black enough.
"I love the black Barbie. It's about time," Jua Simpson said on CNN's iReport, a user-generated news community. "But the hair is still a step backwards, since most of our hair is not straight and light brown."
Others disagree with critics who say the dolls should have had more natural black hairstyles, such as afros or braids.
"Many people have criticized the dolls for either having hair that's too long or too straight, but I have long, straight hair that I straightened. But it's my hair and a part of me," said Tanisa Zoe Samuel, an African-American iReporter from the Turks and Caicos, in the Caribbean. "Black women come in all shades, shapes and varieties that there is just no way to capture everyone with three dolls." iReport.com: Samuel shares her thoughts on the new Barbie
The dolls were created by Stacy McBride-Irby, an African-American who watched her daughter play with dolls and wanted to create a doll that looked more like her.
How do you Protect Your Children? What’s Over the top?
by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Syracuse University, AOL Black Voices
I have daughters and I love them all. They are all at "that age," between 16 and 20, where they tend to love the boys that you want to beat down the most. Every time I hear them express their undying love for Lil Wayne, I can only think about him having 3 women pregnant at the same time. When I see a Chris Brown poster in their room, I remind them that Chris was accused of having boxing practice on Rihanna's face.
But as a father, you can't protect your daughters from themselves. Some things they have to learn on their own. And if sleeping with a pants-saggin, "purple stuff dranking," gold grill wearing, 10,000 tattoo having buffoon is the way they need to learn their lessons, you just kinda have to deal with it.I empathize with Wade Edwards, the man accused of shooting a boy for sleeping with his step daughter. Wade shot the boy four times, aiming for the "relevant zone" with each bullet. But while I can understand Wade's anger, I do not, for one second, condone his actions.
If the link above doesn’t work, click here.
Financial Lovemaking: Shooting Your Daughter's boyfriend
Friday, October 2, 2009
Managing Multiple Baby's Mamas: What Does that mean?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
MAN ARRESTED FOR SPREADING HIV
News that for the first time an HIV vaccine has had some success in protecting people from the disease is severely tempered by news out of St. Louis County that a 40-year-old African American male is being held on $200,000 cash bond on six counts of recklessly risking infection of another with HIV. The news of the vaccine shows how far we've come in the battle against HIV, but the arrest of this St. Louis County man shows how much further we have to go in educating the public.
Prosecutors say that Orlando A. Hadley had numerous sexual encounters with a woman and did not reveal his HIV status to her. The woman later tested positive for HIV. Now, police are polling the public to see who else may have had sexual contact with Hadley.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Nicole Spence: She Stuck Her Finger in My Booty!
Hey guys,
I know I'm late but Let's get busy( in my Aresenio Hall voice! Lol),
I have an interesting Dear Nicole letter read below:
the other night while getting some head from my girl she tried something new and stuck a finger in my azz and i nutted like i never before and it felt really good but i don't want her to think I'm gay or something how do i tell her i really liked that shit damm why did it feel so good? i need to know because if felt so fucking good but i'm no fag is that acceptable? thanks
Wow!! My first reaction is that you're not gay! But Let's be clear if a man that I'm seeing asked me to put a finger in his booty, I would immediately think his ass was gay!!
I mean that's just a hell of a request!
But you didn't ask for it, your girlfriend just tried something new and it turns out you dig it! It's actually kinda cool, that you guys are delving into uncharted territory like that. Sounds freaky but she is teaching you about your body. So that's cool! And I don't think you have to tell her how much you liked it, I'm sure she can tell by your reaction! Shooot if she likes to "Rep her city" as much as I do, she'll be doing that shit again and again for that same explosive reaction! Congrats!!
The flip side to that shit is,
I'm wondering if this is something you'll want all the time, now that you've been let's face it turned out! Ya'll remember Jameson the guy from the Swinger club, well he too told me about his girlfriend's need to put something in his ass!!" WHY"??? WTF?? Chicks want dicks now?? "WHY??" I'm cool on that shit all together, no thanks! I'll keep my pretty lotus flower!
So of course I'm wondering if this finger in the booty thing is going to or has it already spread like a freaking epidemic?? Shit balls ain't enough, now you guys need a finger insertion to get off?? Ahhh its like that Chris Rock joke, " Don't blame him, blame the nasty bitch before you, that's why he wants to do all that nasty shit!" Lol!
I don't know ass play has just never been my cup of tea. My ex tried that finger in my booty and I just don't like it! I rather have a "Salad", if you know what I'm talking about!! Lol So he can forget about anal sex all together!
Come to find out not all of my girls share my feelings about thinking back shots are enough, and I don't need it in my ass literally!
One of my younger girlfriends opened up to me because of this very topic! Apparently, she used to give her Ass to her man a bit too often she now realizes! He never once ate her pussy(remember her from " Are you rocking the Mic, and he's refusing to spit a verse!"), but he always wanted to do it in her butt! But she confessed that after doing in her butt for a while, her butt began to want it!! "WTF??!!! He turned me out she screamed!! WTF is all I can say!!! I watch a lot of porn ( stop judging me lol) and those big ol assholes look very scary and nasty to me! Nope nope not me! And how long does it take for your asshole to go back to normal? You ass givers holla at me! Lol
See man all that Ass play sounds very suspect to me!!! Is the Ass the new Pussy??
Hmmm this got me thinking, how did the finger insertion take place what position?? Were you laying down with her sucking and licking and then she cocked your legs back like a girl? Did she lick the area and then insert? Or was she on her knees and kept licking underneath and then made her way there and popped her finger in?? And which finger is she using? Was it one or two fingers? I need to know it all damn it!!
Alas there is no doubt about my friend your girlfriend has definitely opened up a door, but now that its open you never know what she might try next a finger could lead to a.... you know!!
But if you like it, I love it, so continue..and share with me!!! :-)
Tell the truth fellas do you like a little finger in your Anus? Lol. Ladies do you fantasize or have tried to stick your finger in your man's Ass?
Ps I really want to know how she went about inserting the finger, so hit me back buddy ;)
www.NicoleSpence.me
BARACK OBAMA ALMOST LOST MICHELLE
Michelle and Barack Obama's marriage was so shaky at one point that they almost separated, according to a new book that gives what it says is a behind-the-scenes look at the Obamas' life together.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Black Love: What if He’s Cheating on you?
from AOL Black Voices
I just found out after 28 years of marriage that my husband had a seven-month affair with a co-worker. He would drink with her at a bar and then they would have sex. After a few months, she became pregnant, and my husband did not tell me. He didn't have anything to do with her or the child. I am really confused and don't know what to do. The child is now 9 years old.
Sandra
This is a very difficult and fearful situation, and it is exacerbated by the length of time that has passed since the affair took place. Over the years, partners grow and change, and you have to learn to love the new incarnations of themselves in the present. Your best choice is to take stock of who your husband is now based on the choices he has made in his life and who you are now, and ask yourself if he is still the man you want to be with. As for the child, your husband chose to relinquish his role as father so that you would never find out about the affair. This was not a choice he made to protect you, but rather to protect his position in your marriage. If he had wanted to protect you, he would not have had the affair. You have to ask him if he has changed and if he is remorseful for the decisions he made in his past. Then you have to ask yourself if his actions have proven that he has truly changed.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
LAMAR ODOM IS TRIPPIN
People magazine is quoting "multiple sources" who say that Khloe Kardashian and Los Angeles Lakers star Lamar Odom – her boyfriend of only a month – are to be married this weekend in Los Angeles.
The ceremony, to be held late Sunday at the L.A.-area home of music manager Irving Azoff, is being thrown together so quickly that guests are being notified by phone that formal invitations will arrive this week, the sources add.
Monday, September 21, 2009
All About Swingers and Sex Clubs
So I was on the way to school talking on the phone with one of my girlfriends. I brought up a previous conversation that I had with my friend Jack. Just recently Jack invited me to go with him to check out this Sex club in Brooklyn. Jack knows damn well that I won’t be partaking in any of the reckless behavior, but we both figured it would be juicy material for me to write about, if I wasn’t such a damn fraidy cat, and I actually had the balls to enter such a place.
The crazy shit is nasty people are everywhere, as I’m walking and chit chatting to my surprise this clean cut black guy over hears my conversation. As I attempt to cross the street he stops me. Now I’m thinking “ Oh you want my number?” But No! He tells me “ I didn’t mean to over hear your conversation, but I did. My girlfriend and I are looking for a new Sex club, can you tell me the name of the one you were just speaking about?” Get the fuck outta here! You swing? He begins to ask if I’m apart of the “community” I say, "No" followed by a very loud weird laugh. Lol
Saturday, September 12, 2009
News: Lucky or Cursed? Woman Has 200 Orgasms a Day
The rumble of a train on the tracks, the purr of a hairdryer, the rhythmic drone of a photo-copier are all enough to make her go oh oh oh, ahhhhh.
She had FIVE orgasms during our 40-minute interview. But I can't take the credit-it was just talking about her sex life that set her off.
Sarah, 24, suffers from Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS), which increases blood flow to the sex organs.
She said: "Sometimes I have so much sex to try to calm myself down I get bored of it. And men I sleep with don't seem to make as much effort because I climax so easily."
As she chatted, Sarah became increasingly flustered.
"Sorry, you'll have to excuse me for a minute. I'll be with you in a sec," she mumbled before letting out a long sigh.
Sarah, from London, developed PSAS after being prescribed anti-depressants at 19.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
15 – 20% of Couples Have Sexless Marriages
Jennifer (name changed) didn't have sex with her ex-husband on their wedding night. "I chalked it up to fatigue," she says. But should it have been a red flag? Well, maybe.
It's not that it didn't happen that one night that was the problem; it's that it was the first of many sexless married nights. As an engaged couple, Jennifer and her fiancé were doing it about three times a week, but once they said their vows, it quickly dwindled to about once a month — sometimes less.
Some experts call marriages that average 10 rolls in the hay per year or less "sexless," but other experts take the word more literally, like Susan Yager-Berkowitz, who coauthored (with her husband) "Why Men Stop Having Sex: The Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships and What You Can Do About It."
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
KEITH SWEAT WILL BE ON ATLANTA HOUSEWIVES
Earlier this year, Lisa Hartwell took her baby's father Keith Sweat TO COURT - to get back custody of their two sons, Jordan and Justin.
1990s R&B star Keith and Lisa were married in 1991, but went through a VERY BITTER divorce. During the divorce proceedings, some STUFF came out about Lisa that made the judge award full custody of the children to Keith (We ain't gonna say what that STUFF was - but I'm sure you can guess).
Well anyway, now Lisa tells Star Magazine WHY she wants her boys back. Here’s an excerpt from Star's report:
“I've already been seeing them four or five times a week, but now the time has come when I want to have them with me full-time,” Lisa, 38, tells Star. “I immediately filed for an appeal after the verdict, but I was never given a court date in five years. I've been afraid of the judicial system, but I'm finally taking the bull by the horns and trying to get my boys back again!”
SOLANGE AND WALE???
LETOYA AND TANK ARE HAVIING FUN
just learned that there’s a hot new R&B couple on the loose.
Word is ex-Destiny’s Child member LeToya Luckett has a new man in her life - R&B singer Tank.
According to a source, LeToya and Tank were in New York together. LeToya was promoting her new album and Tank was promoting ... well ... he was just in New York.
Anyway, the couple was all over town looking cozy together. They went on 106 & Park together, and later were all touchy feely at LeToya'a album release party.
They make a good looking couple ... who knows, maybe this could help both of their careers ... NAH ... we doubt it too.
CIARA IS GETTING MARRIED
Just caught wind of some EXCITING news - it came from a usually reliable insider (this person also happens to be an Atlanta celebrity). Word is that rapper 50 Cent has PROPOSED to R&B singer Ciara.
It has been reported to you in the past, Ciara and 50 Cent have been dating for almost 2 YEARS and in recent months, the couple's relationship has ratcheted up.
The insider stated that last night Ciara called her mom and closest friends to tell them the good news.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Luv Coach Advice: Marriage Called Off
I was supposed to get married last year, but my fiance called off the wedding weeks before the ceremony. He said that I was not passionate enough, but he refuses to leave, constantly telling me what I don't do and what I can't do and what I won't do. There is so much animosity between us that I don't think we could ever get past it. Do you have any suggestions on how we could make it work or if it is even worth it?
Nikki
Calling off the wedding the month you are supposed to get married is a sign that your fiance was not ready, and he is now blaming his uncertainty on you. Pointing the finger at your spouse is a surefire way to create division and animosity in a relationship. These are all tactics used to push a person away, and it seems that your fiance has no intention of truly saving the relationship. His decision to stay in a mini-marriage and not be married, all the while verbally and emotionally abusing you, sounds like he wants you to end the relationship so that he will not be responsible for its failure. If you want to heal this relationship, you will need a relationship couples coach, and if you decide to end it, I would recommend that you work with a coach to heal the wounds created by all of this emotional turmoil. In the meantime, ask him what his true fears are concerning marriage. Any emotionally stable person knows that you cannot change your partner; you can only change yourself. Taking responsibility for his role in the type of relationship he helped to create would have been the empowering way to address this situation. He could have chosen to approach you differently and been open to sharing his needs for passion and other forms of intimacy with you instead of laying the blame on you for his own cold feet.
Friday, August 21, 2009
KIM AND REGGIE ARE BACK TOGETHER
It's official!! Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush are back together.
What happened? Well word is that Kim was putting some SERIOUS pressure on Reggie to get married.
But now, according to a TRUSTED source, she's decided to take a step back, give Reggie some space and "play her position." [that's an exact quote]
Gee … wonder what that position is - bench warmer???
TYRESE DIVORCE IS FINAL!!!
learned that Tyrese's divorce to Norma Gibson is officially completed. And here are the details of the arrangement:
Tyrese and Norma share custody of their daughter, Shayla, but Tyrese pays $6,230 a month in child support Tyrese buys Norma her Range Rover (when the lease is up) Norma gets to keep all the jewelry and gifts that Tyrese bought her during the marriage Tyrese pays a one time - lump payment of $42,500 Tyrese pays for all attorney fees (both his and Norma's)
You see Nas ... this is what a settlement is supposed to look like!!!
ASHANTI LEAVES NELLY
People have been telling Ashanti for years about rapper Nelly and his jump offs. Well now his longtime girlfriend Ashanti has had enough. According to the NY Daily News, she broke it off.
Here’s what they’re saying:
IT'S OVER BETWEEN NELLY AND ASHANTI. An insider claims the two split because Ashanti was ready to settle down, while her beau wanted to sow his wild oats. Sure enough, the "Hot in Herre" rapper has been squiring video vixen Jessica Rabbit around Las Vegas and Miami.
Sorry 'Shanti ... it's a shame you ain't drop him sooner. You let that man take up most of your good years ...
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
KELLY CAN’T FIND TRUE LOVE, AND SHE BLAMES HER DAD
Kelly Rowland blames her tumultuous relationship with her alcoholic father for her unsuccessful lovelife.
The former Destiny's Child singer was engaged to American footballer Roy Williams, but called off the wedding just months after she accepted his proposal in 2005 - and has been looking for true love ever since.
She insists there's a link between her estrangement from her father Christopher - who she and her mother fled from in her youth - and her pursuit of the wrong type of men.
Financial Lovemaking 101: What do Sex and Money Have in common?
by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Syracuse University
Some people think that money and sex have nothing in common. Actually, they have everything in common. The act of merging your assets with another person's can be an exhilirating process leading to the high of a lifetime, or it can be a devastating and emotionally crippling experience.
In a series of articles, I plan to lay out some examples that explain what sex and money have in common. Follow along, so that you can avoid the mistakes that are made by milions of people every single year.
Sex and Money Comparison Number 1: You could actually get the job done by yourself if you wanted to
No one says that you have to merge your money or your body with another person's. There is a word we use to describe when someone takes care of his/her own physical needs, and I am not going to say it here. If you are not sure what the word is, then ask your mother, your boyfriend or your priest.
Just as you can take care of your physical needs yourself, the same is true of your financial needs. There's an old saying "I can be broke all by myself." Thus, the choice to merge finances with another human being is not a choice we have to make. Merging assets with another person is also not a decision that should be taken lightly. It's a decision you make only if you see potential benefits from the interaction.
How do you know he’s cheating?
He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if he’s being unfaithful, he may guard his gadgets or act really defensive when you innocently touch his phone or computer. It should be a giant red flag if he readily gave you passwords in the past, and now he’s more evasive.
2. He steps up the grooming. “This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tipoff. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: He’s spending more time at the gym.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Your Black News: Taraji Tells Brothers to “Man Up”
Taraji P. Henson is single and trying to mingle, but has some standards when it comes to dating.
“Most men are fragile,” the “Curious Case of Benjamin Button” star says in September's Men's Fitness magazine in a story that features some sizzling photos of Henson. “I’m a successful woman, in the public eye, and raising a kid by myself. It can leave guys feeling like, ‘Damn, how can I have a chance?’”
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Black Love - Luv Coach asks: He’s Still Married?
I am a college student, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for three years with a man who is 11 years older. We met online, grew to be best friends and have been through a lot together. Recently, our relationship suffered a major blow when I was told by his godmother that he was still legally married to his last wife. I confronted him and ended up speaking with the wife. Eventually, we broke things off, and he got divorced, which was confirmed by the county clerk. Since then, we have been trying to rebuild, but I no longer trust him, and I believe it is make us both miserable. Moreover, my insecurities are making him going out of his way to show evidence of his honesty in even the smallest of things. I love this man, and we have overcome racial differences, an age gap and distance, so I know our potential. However, I don't feel that I can ever trust him again after this. Is it possible for us to recover from this?
Anonymous, 21, Seattle
Friday, August 14, 2009
Professional Black Women Finding Husbands
By Brian Alexander
msnbc.com contributor
updated 8:31 a.m. ET, Thurs., Aug 13, 2009
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Brian Alexander
Michelle Obama may have become an archetypal African-American female success story — law career, strong marriage, happy children — but the reality is often very different for other highly educated black women.
They face a series of challenges in navigating education, career, marriage and child-bearing, dilemmas that often leave them single and childless even when they’d prefer marriage and family, according to a research study recently presented at the American Sociological Society’s annual meeting in San Francisco.
Yale researchers Natalie Nitsche and Hannah Brueckner argued that “marriage chances for highly educated black women have declined over time relative to white women.” Women of both races with postgraduate educations “face particularly hard choices between career and motherhood,” they said, “but especially in the absence of a reliable partner.”
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
So, they really don’t have any money huh?
Popular women's site Jezebel has amassed in one place evidence that confirms what we always suspected. Most of the women appearing on 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' are hardly the rich women they pretend to be. Far from being pampered princesses without a care, NeNe, Kim, Lisa and Sheree are plagued with financial, family and relationship problems just like everybody else. Perhaps this makes for great reality television, because if these ladies were truly elite, they might not be as fun to watch.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Dr Boyce: Tiny, Toya, Weezy and Tip: What Do Black Women Give up for the Cheddar?
by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Syracuse University
OK, was I confused when I found out that Tiny and Toya (TI's "baby mama" and Lil Wayne's ex-wife, respectively) were being given a reality show on BET? Yeah, I was a little surprised. If only I could find a way to become a high profile baby mama -- that seems to be the way to go. With my being a man, I guess that might be difficult to accomplish. All jokes aside, I watched this show with tremendous curiosity, as I think we can all learn from observing the thought patterns of those who live behind the scenes of our favorite celebs. Part of me feels sorry for both of these women, who seem to be desperately fighting their way out of the massive shadows being cast by the powerful men in their lives. Even the daughters of TI and Lil Weezy are trying to get their own reality show. Maybe they too are feeling the weight of their daddies' collective fame. Why don't we just give a reality show to the family dog? Now that would be hot!
Your Love: The Benefits of Being Bridezilla
Yep, I'm guilty. I admit it. I have indulged in one of my (many) guilty pleasures, 'Bridezillas,' a few times. Now, don't even try acting all bourgeois, because you know you have, too. And even though we sit back and wonder what man in his right mind would marry one of these crazed chicks, with their "I'm all that" attitudes and ridiculous demands for cerulean – not blue – centerpieces, there's a thing or two we can learn from them even before we find the proverbial "one."
1. Be a S.N.O.B.
Opt to settle for nothing other than the best when it comes to matters of your heart. Don't worry, that doesn't entail being a pompous, arrogant b&^%$. Instead, it means knowing precisely what you require in a mate and sticking to that ideal. But knowing is half the battle, yes? That brings us to point two.
2. List Your Demands
Mariah and Rihanna list their demands at every one of their shows in the form of a "concert rider"-- agreements that each show promoter must adhere to. Guess what? Beyonce ain't the only diva around. Here's what you do: Pull out a piece of paper, grab a pen and write down every single thing you want and need in your soon-to-be-found husband (even if you think it's facetious. FYI: It's perfectly okay to list attractiveness as a requirement). List them out numerically. There doesn't have to be a specific order, just get them on paper. Also, there's no limit, so write to your heart's content. Next, put stars next to those you deem to be of utmost importance (i.e., compassion for your feelings might be starred, while a required height of 6-foot-3 won't be quite as pressing). Notice how many are starred versus those that aren't. The starred ones are must-haves; the unstarred ones are the nice-to-haves. Put it in your wallet and carry it everywhere you go.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Love Gone Bad: Women Face Charges for Revenge
Wow: Three women are facing charges after conspiring with his wife to lure him to a hotel room and kidnapping him. Oh yeah, they put crazy glue on his “sensitive body parts.” Damn
A new plan to focuses on the adoption of African-American children
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Rosemary Armstrong fondly recalls the first time she met her daughter Micayla, then 2, at her foster home.
The African-American toddler screamed when the caseworker tried to pick her up, but she happily sat on Armstrong's lap and smiled.
Micayla didn't talk at all to most people, but during their second meeting, she started communicating: "It was 'Mommy' and 'Daddy' from day one," Armstrong says. "It was so fast."
Armstrong and her husband, Terry, also African-American , decided to adopt from foster care after discovering they could not have a child biologically.
They met Micayla in April 2008, and her adoption was final in February 2009. Micayla, who turned 4 on Monday, bonded quickly with their two other children, Armstrong's son, Jaiere, 7, and goddaughter Alexis, 14.
'A perfect parent'
While blacks account for 15% of U.S. children, they make up 32% of the 510,000 kids in foster care, according to a May 2008 report by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a private research group. The report is based on 2006 data, the latest available. It shows that black children in foster care, especially older ones, are less likely than white ones to be adopted.
To help deal with that imbalance, a federally funded ad campaign is to be unveiled today. It is aimed at encouraging blacks to adopt from the foster care system. The ads will appear this fall on radio, TV and in newspapers.
"They're long overdue," says Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.
A 1994 federal law, the Multiethnic Placement Act, prohibits denying or delaying an adoption because of race but requires "diligent" efforts to recruit parents of the same race.
The new ads, developed by the Advertising Council, are part of a series that began in 2002 to promote adoption from foster care. The ads, like prior ones, are humorous and carry the same tagline: "You don't have to be perfect to be a perfect parent."
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Letting Go in a Relationship

After a break-up with with your spouse, significant other or love of your life, you might try to remain friends with your ex, slowly cut off contact, or torch every last relic of the relationship.
But one thing is inevitable: Eventually you have to move on. So why is it that some people have a hard time letting go, months or even years after ending a relationship? Although it's natural to mourn the loss of a relationship, some people take such feelings too far.
One example at the extreme end of the spectrum, is Lisa Nowak. The former NASA astronaut and married mother of three was accused earlier this year of trying to kidnap the woman who was dating Nowak's former lover, Navy Cmdr. Bill Oefelein.
Nowak -- who is awaiting trial -- pleaded not guilty to attempted kidnapping, battery and assault, and the defense has filed notice of intent to claim temporary insanity by citing obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, insomnia and a brief psychotic disorder.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Divorce Takes Health Toll Study Says
(CNN) -- Divorce causes more than bitterness and broken hearts. The trauma of a split can leave long-lasting effects on mental and physical health that remarriage might not repair, according to research released this week.
Research shows health differences between people who are married and those who have gone through a divorce.
"People who lose a marriage take such damage to their health," said Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago in Illinois.
Waite and co-author Mary Elizabeth Hughes, of Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, found that divorced or widowed people have 20 percent more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer than married people. They also have 23 percent more mobility limitations, such as trouble climbing stairs or walking a block.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Black News: African American Group Attempts to promote marriage
Group holds a conference to promote Black Marriage. Click here to watch the video trailer! You can learn more by visiting their website at HappilyEverAfterTheMovie.com.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Black Money: Remember Free from 106 & Park?
Dr. Boyce Watkins of Syracuse University speaks with Free on Power 105.1 about Financial Lovemaking. Click here to listen to the interview!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Nicole Spence on “The After Kiss”
I just love my guy friends we just always seem to engage in the craziest of personal conversations. Last night a friend of mine, hmmm let's call him Jack. Jack and I got together with my girlfriend Jihan and a light skin guy friend of his, whose name escapes me at the moment.
We of course start knocking back the drinks and adult conversation. Jack starts talking about " Yea ya'll can't handle me, I'm Nasty in bed!" (Oh word) He explains that has been to several sex parties and all type of menages. Shut Up! Who knew I was friends with such a freak nasty!
So what else do you do Jack? He repeats a lot of shit Nic! But you know what this girl tried to do after she gave me head? What?! I screamed thinking its gonna be some real nasty shit like, peeing on him! Lol. This fool said she tried to kiss me! Wtf?!! Are we Ten?!!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Research Study: Black Men and HIV – Big Problems
A small survey of young black men from the South who tested positive for H.I.V. in their teens and early 20s found that most had engaged in risky sexual behaviors but thought it unlikely they would be infected, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
More than half of the 29 gay or bisexual men surveyed said they had engaged in unprotected anal sex in the year before they were infected and had had sex with slightly older men, the survey found. Both are risky behaviors, yet the vast majority of the young men said they had not thought that they would ever be infected.
Young black gay and bisexual men are becoming infected with H.I.V. at alarming rates, particularly in the South, and health officials are trying to analyze their risk factors in order to refine education and intervention strategies.
“We need to make sure that H.I.V. infection does not become a rite of passage for young black men who have sex with men,” said Dr. Alexandra Oster, one of the authors of the survey published last week in the agency’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report.
After the Mississippi State Department of Health notified the C.D.C. in late 2007 that the number of new H.I.V. diagnoses had spiked at a sexually transmitted disease clinic serving Jackson, Miss., , the agencies teamed up to do the survey. The number of newly diagnosed H.I.V. cases among all black men in the Jackson area had increased 20 percent between 2004-2005 and 2006-2007, but infections among those ages 17 to 25 had jumped 45 percent.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Saturday, December 20, 2008
What Wrong With Black Love

http://www.boycewatkins.com/
People sometimes wonder why I don't talk much about my love life. Well, beyond the fact that it would probably bore you, I'll admit that there are some tricky and sensitive issues that might come up. But in case you're wondering, I am not single because I am gay (not that there is something wrong with gay people, I'm just not one of them). I am not married because I take marriage very seriously and realized that my work in the black community would put a family in harm's way. I never thought that Malcolm or Martin should have gotten married either, since I'd never forgive myself if my wife and children were killed or left homeless because of something I've done. The first thing your enemies do when they want to undermine you is to go after your family and/or your source of income. Just ask Bill O'Reilly.
At any rate, I have some friends who are still single, and I listen to them explain why they can't find what they are looking for. For some, it's the "blame the world" strategy - "Black men can't handle an intelligent black woman", or "I'm just too nice and men are dogs"....blah blah blah. On the flip side, I've heard Black men say things about Black women that are simply untrue. Personally, I have no trouble finding great Black women, especially when I learned to look at the spirit and mind along with the body and face. I know many gorgeous women who might have stunned me 10 years ago, but wouldn't get the time of day from me now.
One thing that some of us are missing is the kind of introspection necessary to realize that YOU are the only person who is always present in your relationships. I have a friend who is a drop dead gorgeous college professor and fully convinced that it's never her fault that her relationships are falling apart. All the while, I've seen that same friend walk toward the jerks and away from the guys who might treat her with respect. At the end of the day, she will always be confused, because she only chooses to give her love to those who deserve it the least.
This journey of learning to love yourself enough to know how to give love and receive it properly is a long one. I've personally traveled much of that journey myself. Although I didn't marry my ex-fiance, I was proud of that relationship. The great time we spent together was a reflection of how I'd grown to be able to give the right kind of love and also demand the right kind of love in return. She strengthened my belief in God, for I truly saw her as an angel on earth.
Like most of you, I have experienced the ups and downs of relationships (ho-hum), and all the bliss and pain that comes with it. I've dealt with baby-mama drama, as the one great mistake I made in life was to have a child at a young age with the wrong person. I will pay for that mistake for the rest of my life, although I worked like hell to try to fix it. I fight for father's rights because unlike the confusing speech given by Barack Obama this year on Father's Day, I unconditionally reject the idea that Black relationships don't work solely because Black men are irresponsible buffoons who don't want to be good parents. I tried like hell to be in my own daughter's life, even though I was consistently rejected from it, and I've gotten emails from hundreds of other fathers who feel the same way. At the end of the day, relationships last when both partners make it work, and children are healthiest when both parents understand the importance of having both the mother and the father in the life of the child. You can't blame the opposite sex for everything. That goes for both men and women....no matter how bitter you may be.
Finally, I believe in black love, and I consider black women to be the most beautiful women on the planet. So, if you ever hear of me getting married, it will most likely be to a Black woman. But if you were to ask me about the breakdown of the black family and black relationships, I would say that it takes two to tango. If your relationships are not working out, relieving yourself of all blame is not only going to confuse you, it is also incredibly irresponsible.
At any rate, the article is below...enjoy!
He's not dumping you because ...
Writing about dating is my full-time job, so, naturally, I hear a lot of pretty deranged tales of love gone wrong. But last week I received a letter from a woman who was convinced that men wouldn’t go out with her because she was just too … beautiful.
He's not dumping you because ...
She fully believed her breathtaking attractiveness was anything but a man-magnet — as one might expect. Instead, she said, her beauty acted as a Romeo-repellant, causing suitors to run screaming from her. Obviously, I explained the situation to her (perhaps it wasn’t her gorgeous outsides, but her narcissistic insides that were doing the damage), but it did get me to thinking about all the other ridiculous reasons that women — myself included — come up with when they get dumped.
Along with being too beautiful, here are a few other qualities I guarantee nobody will ever break your heart over:Too smart: I once had a friend who was convinced she couldn’t keep a boyfriend because she was too smart for the male population. She was positive her staggering intellect was turning them off. Uh, no. What drove the men away (and most of her female friends, as well) was the fact that she was mean. We’re talking stupendously cruel. Her definition of smart translated into cutting people down until they felt like the smallest person on earth. Not exactly a turn-on, no matter how cleverly it’s worded.Click to read.
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Chance at Black Love - by Lisa

Sandy and Chance met during their junior year at USC. During their time in college, they ran with different crowds. Chance was a jock, with a chip on his shoulder. At 6’3” and 253 lbs, this all muscle dark-brown Adonis was a force to be reckoned with. He was headed to the NFL and nothing would stop him. With that said, he knew that he should also get a college degree. On the off chance that something happened, he wanted a back-up plan and a degree in architecture was the answer that he chose. Although he played football for the love of the sport, the women that chased him was the biggest reason that he took the physical beatings on the field. There was no woman of any nationality that could resist his looks, charm and desirability.
On the other hand, Sandy was a quiet bookworm with few friends. You normally could find this Nia Long look-a-like sitting somewhere alone studying or reading a book. Although she was one of the most beautiful women that walked the campus, she kept to herself. She didn’t have the time or the patience for idiocy. It was a miracle that their paths had ever crossed, but it was meant to be.
Sandy happened to be working at the campus library on the Saturday morning that Chance strolled in. It was not his M.O. to be in such a setting, but with finals coming up, he knew that the apartment that he shared with his buddies was not conducive to real studying. He did pride himself on being an intelligent athlete. He was looking for a book on 18th century architecture and Sandy was the only one to help him. As he approached the desk at which she was sitting, Sandy’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest. His face was flawless. He had a slight slant in his dark brown eyes that made him look exotic; lickable lips; long powerful legs and a chest so dark and hard that it must have been made of raw mahogany wood. Sandy had never seen any man so beautiful in her life. She wanted to run out of the room as he got closer and closer.
“Go away, go away”, she thought to herself.
Click to read more.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Your Black Love: Technology Killed Romance

By Chiderah A. Monde
It is rather discouraging, being a huge fan of Motown and music from years past, because these songs make us girls wish for the times when there was actual courting by a gentleman admirer, dates that consisted of moonlit walks and holding hands, celebration of how beautiful women are in all of our perfect imperfections, and written love letters singing a sad song of wishing she would come back when she’s gone…
It’s discouraging watching movies like “The Notebook” and getting falsified ideas of what men in love look like, since dating back in 1940 is obviously the same as it is now…
It just doesn’t happen like that anymore…and I’m a little bitter.
There are a few guys out there who will argue to the death that they are still perfect gentlemen who know how to treat a lady right, and this might be true….but the characteristics that make a “Southern gentleman” today has definitely changed from what was considered one back then.
Sorry guys, technology won’t let you be “Southern gentlemen” anymore.
Because today ladies, instead of hurriedly bumping into a man on the street and turning to apologize at the same time he is, causing your eyes to meet and your heart to instantly be captured…
We turn to Myspace, Facebook, Match.com, Eharmony.com and many other websites to see if we can lock eyes with his perfect picture. And then we pray he looks like that in real life if it is at all an attractive profile picture.
And today, instead of receiving a letter in the mail titled “To My Dearest” and detailing the outing he plans to pick you up later tonight for…
We get 10pm text messages saying “Wussup, whatchu doin tonite boo?”
Followed with “I’m tryna chill tonite, you gonna let me come ova?”
Or maybe that’s just us college aged girls….I should certainly hope those older aren’t subject to the same unfortunate text messages.
Still today, instead of getting close at a local lounge dancing the night away, face to face, his hands on your hips, yours around his neck slowly swaying to the sounds of Smokey Robinson’s “Cruisin’” or Marvin and Tammy’s “You’re All I Need To Get By” (my favorite songs)….
We go to the club and get freaky to “Falsetto” or bend over to the remix of “Back That Ass Up” as the DJ asks over the microphones “Where my nasty girls at?!” and naive girls scream in response.
When did it become okay to leave the “getting to know you” part of human relationships out and get right to the relating?
To need a “down ass ride or die bitch” as opposed to feeling so lucky because there “ain’t no woman like the one [you’ve] got”
To see him across the room at the next party instead of him picking you up and assuring your parents he’ll get you back safely by midnight.
To never spend nights on the phone talking with your special someone because he prefers texting anyway…
Or even to be told things like “damn girl you look good” or “you sexy as hell”, in replacement of being told you’re beautiful.
It became okay when texting became a verb, when Facebook became a verb, when Match.com became where you find your one true love, when love dropped it’s vowels and became luv, when terms of endearment like “bust it baby” replaced “sugar pie, honey bunch”….
And when girls began taking directions in a song from Lil John, who says things like “bend over to the front, touch your toes, back that ass up and down and get low”.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
If technology is going to be the death of romance, then only people can be its savior.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
YourBlackLove: What is Considered Beautiful In A Changing World?

By Chiderah A. Monde
Why is it that both Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry are widely considered beautiful women, no matter what race you are, no matter what gender?
With a constantly changing world, comes a constantly changing perception of beauty. Over the years society has changed its description of what is considered the physically “ideal” or “perfect” woman. No longer does the blond bombshell grace the covers of every magazine, nor does the deathly skinny frame or pale skin.
The 21st century demanded a change, for it’s “ideal” woman, and now she has curves, dark hair, and most importantly- darker skin.
Society’s perfect woman is not necessarily Black, although everyone agrees that Beyonce, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys and Janet Jackson top a lot of lists. But darker skin is definitely in- whether it is tanned white women, foreign femmes, or mixed beauties, women like Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, Aishwarya Rai, Adrianna Lima and Jessica Biel have taken the place of the blond bombshell era.
There’s no question about curves being in demand too. Beyonce is the epitome of the ideal curves for a Black woman, so is Alicia Keys, and quite frankly- so is Kim Kardashian. Men agree that body and curves are sexier, and women feel more comfortable with their bodies being similar shapes to celebrity women.
The interesting thing about the changing perception of beauty is how we can all agree that these women and physical features are considered acceptable. Psychologists argue that an individual’s perception of what is considered attractive is dependent on the person’s parents. That is, we base what is beautiful on what our mothers look like, what our fathers think, and what they both teach us to be beautiful. On the other scholarly hand, some consider attraction to be dependent on symmetry. That is, anything that is symmetrical is aesthetically pleasing. Once something seems out of line, out of sync, or asymmetrical, it is not attractive.
I don’t know how I feel about all of that.
Whether it’s psychology or symmetry that determines what is beautiful, it is all amplified by society and by media. Everything we buy, wear, eat and do is reflection of what some part of society has suggested we should. And “should” is an iffy word…
Nevertheless, we might be moving in an optimistic direction. If curves, dark hair and dark skin is currently in, society is setting an example for accepting a variety of body types. With things like Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty and Maxim’s 2008 Hot 100, the days of having only one perfect woman are long gone.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Power of Admitting The Waitress Is Cute
No Insecurities Allowed
Its hot, summertime, and once again you find yourself alone with no one to vacation in St. Lucia with. You have no problems attracting men but finding one who is marriage material is beginning to feel like Mission Impossible. However, your luck suddenly changes at an after work mixer at the W Hotel. You’ve finally met a man who is worthy of a serious date with you. He’s a tall, handsome professional gentleman with broad shoulders, large hands, and alluring lips. He’s dressed in spit polished shoes and matching take-charge persona. His swagger makes you tingle with anticipation of his power to vastly upgrade your love life.
You are enjoying a wonderful first date at- SURPRISE- a nice restaurant in the upscale part of town. He opens the door for you and even selects the correct bottle of red wine, Shiraz to be exact, which happens to be your favorite to accompany your lamb chops. The food is scrumptious and the wine has warmed both your sense of hope and opened your heart to new possibilities. More importantly, this man has wasted no time in expressing his interest in you as indicated by the foot action under the table. Things are going even better than planned and then it happens…
That cute, little waitress who seated the two of you- who already was a little too friendly for your liking in the first place- walks over and makes direct eye contact with your date and tops off his wine while barely even acknowledging you. Mr. Take-Charge-Persona smiles and returns the direct eye contact with Ms. Friendly. It looks like you aren’t the only one who’s in the market for a black man with marriage material.
What do you do?
A) Give the waitress a piece of your mind
B) Instruct your date to focus his attention on you and only you
C) Ignore it and move on with the date
D) Give the waitress a compliment and ask for the manager
If you answered A… WRONG.
If you answered B… WRONG.
If you answered C… WRONG.
If you answered D… CONGRATULATIONS and CALL ME!
While putting the waitress in her place, refocusing your date, or outright ignoring Ms. Rude might make you feel better; it certainly will ruin any chance you have with Mr. Right. Why? Sit back and listen to the professional dating doctor's teach.
A) Any attention you focus on the waitress affirms her as a threat in your date’s mind. If you have to check her then she must be worth pursuing or at least flirting with.
B) If you have to instruct or request that your date refocus his attention on you, the “She’s Controlling Alarm” may be set off. Also, you appear desperate. Even worse, now that you have now officially verified the waitress as someone powerful enough to distract his attention away from you, he will undoubtedly want her more.
C) To ignore the waitress sends a message that you are oblivious that she is openly flirting with your date OR you are accepting of it. Although it makes no sense to women, the cuter the waitress is the more your typical man will try to rationalize why it’s not “so bad” to get her number. After all, YOU didn’t say anything.
D) Congratulations. MR. RIGHT is going home with YOU. I’m impressed because you must have been read my book, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT, because you just pulled a serious POWER MOVE even a psychologist would be impressed with. Oh, I’m sorry…you’re probably asking, “What did I do?”
1) By publically acknowledging her beauty you demonstrated that while her beauty was obvious, it was certainly no threat to you. Your date will be impressed that you don’t have any insecurities despite a blatant violation by the waitress.
2) By asking for the manager, you scare the crap out of the waitress because she knows she was wrong. She’s afraid of a complaint but, instead, you praise her for her excellent customer service. In turn, she is so relieved that she tries to cover her tracks by filling your wine and being super nice to you. In fact, when she returns to check on your table she doesn’t even look at your date again. My, my how the tables have turned!
Chances are that your date has never met a woman so confident and skillful. He now begins to look at you as the potential “ONE” and is mesmerized by your beauty, confidence, power, and security.
Moral of the story, when it comes to dating towards marriage…
NO INSECURITY ALLOWED.
So, to all my beautiful ladies…Next time Ms. THANG decides to unwisely flirt with your man because she doesn’t know who she’s messing with…you put your RING FORMULA to work and let her know that there’s only room for one woman in your man’s life and you just so happen to be pouring her wine right now!
If you enjoyed this blog and want to read more please visit http://www.drtartt.com/ and purchase his latest page turner, The Ring Formula: How To Marry MR. RIGHT. To contact Dr. Tartt for media interviews, book as a speaker, or invite to your book club call 1-877-377-4002 or email at drtartt@drtartt.com.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Open Marriage & Open Relationships: The New Formula for Successful Black Love?

By Chiderah A. Monde
Will Smith and Jada’s confession about their open marriage last year during an interview is still a hot topic. Since then people have been able to really think about what open marriage has meant for the Pinkett-Smith union, and what it could mean for black couples everywhere.
Black people continue to look up to Will and Jada as the pillar of black love. They represent the ideal successful black couple: complete with two gorgeous people in love, wealth, happiness and beautiful children to top it off.
It could all be so simple as to accredit their successful marriage to the agreement they have with each other, allowing them to be able to sleep with whomever they want as long as they inform each other of those happenings. Could it be that in this day an age, [open relationships + open communication] is the only formula that equals a successful relationship?
Let’s consider the possibilities.
The most important part of having an open marriage is that the idea eliminates the number one reason why people break up in this country- cheating. Open relationships require as much trust as one can possibly put in a person. Trusting them not to lie, trusting them not to hide things, and trusting them to remain faithful. It sounds like all of the basic necessities of a regular relationship are present.
Black couples that last are growing more and more rare. The current statistics claim that just about 45% of educated successful black women do not get married, and just as many get divorced. Those numbers are scary. At the same time interracial dating is becoming more popular, and more black men get involved with white, Asian, Latina and mixed women. For those situations where black women feel threatened about their husbands cheating, perhaps an open marriage could save them from this trouble, and save marriages from their demises.
Also, having an open relationship facilitates a key component of successful relationships- communication. Many marriage therapists focus mainly on the type of communication between husband and wife when couples come in to try and save marriages. People find that their spouses aren’t telling them things, especially when it comes to how they feel.
I don’t know, open relationships sound like a great idea. However, there must be dire disadvantages.
I asked some of my friends around campus, and got similar opinions about open relationships and open marriages. Most men agreed that they would love a woman who was gorgeous and successful, and who would allow them to sleep with other women. They said they would rather not know whom their wives are sleeping with, but if the trust between them is there, there shouldn’t be a problem. Most men could see themselves always coming back to their “80% women” regardless of who they slept with, since those outside relationships would be solely based on physical attraction. Will Smith said the same thing.
Most women that I talked to said that the situation is rather unrealistic. They all agreed that problems in the long run would be inevitable. They could see their men preferring the outside sex to their own, which would lead to wanting to leave, or more arguments about how drastically their sex lives have changed. It comes as no surprise to me that the women thought more about potential problems than the benefits of open relationships.
How about what an open relationship would mean for the black family?
When you take it outside the bedroom, it seems that an open marriage is not such a good idea. How do you explain to your kids “mommy and daddy spend nights with aunties and uncles”?
For Will and Jada, this conversation has to be had, considering their lives are public and their kids are sure to hear about it sooner or later.
Then there’s the problem of STDs and/or AIDS. Let’s be realistic, no sex is exempt from possibly introducing transmitted diseases- celebrity sex or not. Couples have to be twice as careful about using protection and being checked regularly for diseases, and extremely aware of the sexual history of the people they decide to sleep with. Maybe open relationships are not such a good idea…there’s all the extra background checking and detective work one must do just to have sex.
As far as religion goes- open marriages completely contradict morals established in the black church. Isn’t that considered adultery? But then again…so is cheating, and people still do it. God might not like this idea either. Accepting open marriage and open relationships in the black church would require review and revision of morals established by the church. As crazy as it sounds, open marriage is the “less immoral” way to commit adultery.
It may just be that having a Will and Jada kind of relationship can only work for Will and Jada.
Black couples that aren’t celebrities may not be as prepared to deal with problems such as children from outside relationships, STDs or AIDS, and paying for child support if children were to result from their extramarital affairs. Jada considers Will’s oldest son to be one of her own, even though he is a result of one of Will’s previous relationships. Jada has the patience, the money, and the time to take care of children that are not her own- most women do not.
I am not knocking the strategy though, I think some people would do well in these kinds of relationships, but it definitely isn’t for everybody. Just like marriage isn’t for everybody. It depends on the people involved and their personalities.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Oprah Winfrey Advises Jamie Foxx on How to Act Right

Comedic actor Jamie Foxx has credited talk show host Oprah Winfrey with refining his rough exterior.
Foxx debuted his new MTV show From G's to Gents in America earlier this week in an effort to teach socially-challenged men how to perfect their modern-day etiquette. And he insists it was Winfrey who whipped him into shape before he became an Oscar winner.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Black Love: Lauren London's Comments Reflect Problems with Black Women

To say that the recent statements of 'Actress', Lauren London - in a "King Magazine" interview - is disquieting, is both an underestimation and misunderstanding of the potency attached to the wordage of certain celebrities within our community. Young Black Women are continuously lusting after the aptly-described "ruffnecks" and "thugged-out" brothers within our culture. It was in 1993, when MC Lyte, rapped - on a song called "Ruffneck," from the album, "Aint No Other" - "I need a ruffneck/I need a dude with attitude/Who only needs his fingers with his food/Karl Kani saggin' timbos draggin'/Frontin' in his ride with his home boys braggin'/Lying 'bout the Lyte how he knocked boots last night/But he's a ruffneck so that's alright." At the time, such allusions were looked upon as little other than artistic-expression, but with the rise in domestic-abuse among black households, such sentiments are beginning to lead to open clues vis-Ã -vis black-female misjudment. It is an ancient blurb that the good guy always finishes last, but Miss London seemed to put the L in Ludicrous with her recent morally-reprehensible comments. When asked by the interviewer of her choice in men, she replied:
"An authentic gangsta—that deletes about half the rap game off your list. I love guys who are street. I won’t even give soft guys a chance. Menace II Society is my shit! Caine was like my first crush. Actually, O-Dog was my true dream guy. I was in love with him, from that opening scene where he pops the convenience-store worker. He had me from that gunshot [laughs]. He was ’hood, and I loved that."
- With such statements, it is no wonder our culture is dissipating faster than the dreams of 'authentic' actresses who are more than qualified, but are turned around as a result of their stead-fast belief in integrity. That therefore 'deletes' Ms. London off any such list.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Black Love: An interesting take on same sex marriage
And now the government is seeking to ban the only sex I’ve been having and assume I’ll be able to have the rest of my life. Since when does the government care about what happens inside MY bedroom. It’s not that “sexy”. It just is what it is. I’ve resigned myself to it – so why can’t the government?
For the record, I’m all for different sex marriage. But, you see, I’m not gonna bring it up to the misses. No, it’s worked pretty well the past 22 years and with any luck, for the next twenty-two years.
Oh sure, once in a while – when the kid’s not home, we may go to a room other than our bedroom – but that doesn’t happen all that often. And there was that time in a hotel on a trip to
South Carolina. But, for the most part, it’s been the same sex.
Oh, when we were married, I thought it’d be different all the time. We were so young then, and I was so foolish. But it became pretty clear, pretty quickly that once a pattern was established, it was pretty much set in stone.
The rules have never been discussed but they sure are crystal clear to me.
ONE, never ask for sex – same sex or different sex. If you get some, be glad that it’s come your way. And always be appreciative.
TWO, never ask for sex. Same sex or different sex.
THREE, always make sure the light is out.
FOUR, always make sure the door is locked – even when no one else is home.
FIVE, always make sure the dog is back in the house before instituting rules three and four.
So, you see, I know the rules. I know it’s gonna be same sex. And that’s good enough for me. And it certainly seems good enough for the misses. So, government. But out! Our same sex is none of your business. It usually is none of my business. But when I make it my business, I don’t need your help. And neither does the misses.
Ben Merens is a public speaker and a talk show host at Wisconsin Public Radio in Milwaukee.
He and his wife will celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary on June 21st.
Ben’s website is http://www.benmerens.com/.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Black Love, Black Divorce: Cheaper to Keep Her (or Him)
The article also seems to imply that beyond the 50% of all Americans who end up in divorce, there are many others who would be divorced if only they could find a way to get it done efficiently. Since when did the bliss of love make us so unhappy?
When I wrote Financial Lovemaking 101, one of the objectives I had in this book was to teach couples how to be jointly responsible when it comes to money. The truth of the matter is that being financially smart and responsible also increases your ability to be financially independent. Therefore, one might conclude that if you end up as one of the millions of Americans who chooses divorce, you might be able to erase your mistake without destroying your bank account.
I once counseled a couple that was nearing retirement. The couple had modest resources, but the wife was quite determined. Over a period of 10 years, she worked overtime and saved her butt off to pay off the family's credit card debt. She also looked into retirement plans on her job, putting thousands into a 401k plan to prepare for the family's golden years. Her husband had other plans. Without his wife's knowledge, he maxed out all the credit cards to start a business. He then withdrew all of the family funds from the retirement plan. The business failed, and his wife was in tears. She wanted to leave her husband, but she was financially drained. What's worse is that staying with her spouse would not have made her any more financially secure.
The reality is that money and love are linked in ways that we never envisioned on that first date. A person's beauty, body shape, and quality of sex become secondary to how well they pay the mortgage and put food on the table. Then, when we find that the love is gone and we want to move on, money becomes the barrier between freedom and misery. Planning ahead financially can be the way to plan your escape route, if that is what you choose to do.
The irony of it all, however, is that being financially intelligent and responsible reduces one major source of conflict in your marriage. It also allows you to make a stronger contribution to the overall well-being of your family. Therefore, by being financially intelligent and independent, you are more likely to have a successful marriage. Kind of paradoxical, don't you think?
I don't judge those who get divorced, never get married or are trying to get divorced. I only say that whatever you do, make sure you do it right. Your love depends on it, and so does your LIFE.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Black Love Advice for Black Men: Why Good Brothers Finish Last
Have you suffered from hearing the words, "You're a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend," from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for -- only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she's nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I'm going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.
First, "nice" equates with boring and predictable. Look up "nice" in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average -- not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I'll bet you've never heard a woman say she didn't want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting -- have you? But, I'll bet you have heard women say things like, "He's such a nice guy. He's so sweet and he's always there for me, but I only like him as a friend." Or, "He's such a good guy -- kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal -- but there's no chemistry. He just doesn't turn me on." Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won't work.
Click to read the rest of the article.
Black Men and Marriage: What Black Women need to Know
So, based on my own experience and conversations with my friends, I will give you the list of things that many men think about before choosing marriage. No, it's not scientific, so if that leads you to ignore the advice, then so be it. But as a black man, I can tell you that many black men might agree with some of this:
1) We don't want to get hassled: No, I don't want to be told that I can't watch the football game or that I have to get up on a Saturday morning to go shopping with you at the mall. Yes, I will spend time with you, but I don't want to be harassed when I am trying to seek peace or go play ball with my friends. Let me be and I will be happy to see you rather than irritated.
2) Can you cook? If you can't, then we are both going to starve. So many women have gotten caught up in this feminist mindset that tells them that men should want to cook, clean and change diapers as much as they do. Not in my world. In my world, a woman knows how to be respected, but is still ok with wearing the skirt in the household. She also makes her man want to be with her and want to come home every day. No man wants to marry a woman who wants to be a man.
3) Don't use sex as a weapon. That will make other women start looking really good. Men need sex, really badly. Don't think that because you have a ring on his finger that you control whether or not he gets sex.
4) Take care of your body and try to look good for him. Every man wants a woman who tries to look her best. A lot of men believe that women throw in the towel on sex and looking good after they know that they have him locked down. That's why many men don't get married. Why would you want to be stuck with a woman who let herself go when there are single women who look good out there?
5) Don't take him for granted. Some women have their first child, and then they seem to forget to please their man or give him attention. All their time is spent talking about how the kids need this and the kids need that. The man becomes the stage prop that you're using to play house, as you use him as a provider, order him around and then refuse to have sex with him. That kind of relationship would make me unhappy. No one wants to be in a place where they are not happy.
Take the advice or leave it. All I know is that after seeing many of my friends get financially destroyed after divorce and having their kids taken away, it doesn't whet my appetite to walk into that same line of fire. So, if you want to get a man to take this risk, you better find a good way to make him want to do it. There's a reason that half of marriages end in divorce and half of the successful ones only look good on the outside.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Why Barack Obama Was Wrong to Stereotype Black Fathers

I received a lot of email from both men and women about my comments on Barack Obama's Father's Day speech. I watched the speech, hoping that I could find some way that I was wrong about Barack. Perhaps his speech writers, surely the best in the business, slid in a line or two conditionalizing his statements to remind us that Father's Day is a day to celebrate good fathers, not to spend all our time mulling over the bad ones.
I looked and looked for that one line of salvation and never found it. That makes me sad, since many of the emails I received were from black fathers who came right out of the Bill Cosby book of parenthood (even though Cosby has made some dirty mistakes of his own as a dad). These men, some of whom were conservatives or in the military, did not understand why little time was spent giving them the same respect we give women on Mother's Day. Instead, they were fed the same old stereotypes of black male irresponsibility. These were the same stereotypes that allowed their ex-wives or mothers of their children to feel completely vindicated for any poor treatment bestowed upon them as they worked hard to stay in their childrens' lives. They were the same stereotypes that keep the 50% of divorced white males of America comfortable that their broken homes are not as bad as the broken homes of black men. After all, the presidential candidates conveniently forget to critique White America in the same way they critique the black male. I thought Obama was 50% white? Doesn't that mean that he is as much a part of White America (thus entitled to critique) as he is Black America? Or is he just the Black Candidate?
To spend father's day obsessing over what black fathers are doing wrong is like going to someone's birthday party with a list of all the things you hate about them. Even if I'd been born with a terrible mother, I would not spend Mother's Day saying "Mom, there are far too many days when you are not there for me the way you should be." It would be even worse if I then went on to tell my father that the breakup of our family was all my mother's fault and that he is completely relieved of any guilt whatsoever.
That is what Obama did when he patted black women on the back and essentially said "That's ok. We know how all those black men are treating you. They're just bad and you're good. Let's spend Father's Day talking about you and how disappointed we are in them." He was preaching to the choir, since I am willing to bet that many of the men in that church were loyal and dedicated fathers, either sitting confused that they were being chastised on their special day or nodding their heads in agreement that black men are collectively a pack of screw ups. "Some do the right thing, but doing the wrong thing is the norm". Does anyone wonder how deformed your existence becomes when you consider the most pathetic segment of American society to be people who look like yourself?
This strikes a chord with me because I have seen it up close. I have seen black women who swear up and down that the reason every man they meet doesn't want to be with them implies that there is something wrong with all men. I see black men who refuse to date black women because they feel that black women are all angry, bitter and nasty. In both scenarios, I correct the individual and encourage him/her to look in the mirror. If all of your relationships are falling apart, you are the only variable that is consistently present in every relationship you've ever had. Either you are consistently choosing the wrong person to procreate with, or you are consistently mistreating the right people who come your way. Women who choose good men and treat them well remain happily married. That's just a fundamental fact and I, as a man, know this because I have chosen the wrong woman at times, and there have been times when I've not given a woman the respect she deserved. In either case, I ended up disappointed.
What is true is that both men and women play a role in the survival of our families. When a divorce or breakup occurs, the children are usually given to the woman. Also, most divorces are not always the sole fault of one party or the other. So, if we are going to define the term "deadbeat dads", we cannot generalize that term to include any man who does not live with his kids. Senator Obama DID NOT, to my knowledge, make that distinction.
What is most interesting is Obama's claim that "far too many men are not in the home....they've chosen to be boys instead of men". This implies that if you get a divorce and the kids live with the woman, then you are effectively behaving as a little boy. This further signals that if Michelle Obama were to divorce Barack and keep the kids, he would effectively become a deadbeat. I am sure that Senator Obama, who would likely spend plenty of time with his children and pay plenty of child support, would become agitated to hear someone speaking about him and other black men as a pack of dead beats, especially on Father's Day. Perhaps he could be consoled with the words "No, we weren't talking about you. We just avoided celebrating you on Father's Day because we wanted to place all the blame on the deadbeats, which includes most black men."
That is where black men are coming from. On Mother's Day, I am not going to spend one second talking about how "there are too many bad baby's mamas keep their child's father from seeing his kids", that "angry black women are divorcing their husbands and taking their children and money from them", or that "black women treat men like crap and then get mad when the man leaves the relationship." I would say none of these things, even though I can name several instances in which this has happened. Instead, I am going to spend Mother's Day celebrating the successes of black women and the wonderful impact they've had on me.
As I said before, it takes two to Tango, black men aren't doing the family break up dance by themselves. Also, the dance of child-rearing is not just being done by the black mothers. Black women are certainly the backbone of the community, but black men aren't just freeloading.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Staying In Love

The cost of an unlimited calling plan to stay in touch with the one that you love - $100.
The cost of enjoying a five-course meal with the one that you love - $300.
The cost of this picture and the love expressed in it by our next President Barack Obama and future First Lady Michelle Obama - PRICELESS.
Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined.”
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbninquiry.asp?ISBN=9780615177014
"We Like Black D***, Just Not Black Men"

Let’s be honest- who wouldn’t want a Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Denzel Washington, or Taye Diggs type of man?
As black women, we’ve watched our brothers be romantically involved with white women for as long as we’ve been in this country. Just when we thought we were accepting it, Asian and Hispanic women picked up on the trend, and Black men started to choose them first. In a day and age where interracial dating is more or less accepted, we have to redirect our anger.
Now, black women are upset because we’ve taken home the bronze medal in comparison to the other races that seek out Black men. For the most part, young Black men are not choosing their Black women, while everyone else is choosing the brothers.
First, look at the music videos you see on BET, MTV or anything else. No longer are “video girls” really black. Hispanic and mixed women seem to be getting closer and closer to the camera. The Vida Guerra’s of the world have taken the front seat, and more brothers want long REAL hair, fair skin and another language to go along with the urban style.
Some people say Black and Hispanics are one in the same, and although we share the same ancestry, I think to put us in the same boat is to ignore the many differences that the two have, especially historically and politically (for the most part, Hispanics picked Hillary over Barack. Does that say anything significant? I think so.)
Next, let’s look at white women- from whom I got the title of this article. It’s not the preferred conversation to overhear during a study break snack, but that statement is exactly what my girls and I heard one day while sitting in the student center on our college campus.
“ Oh my god, I hooked up with a black guy last night…no, I don’t like black men, but I do like black d***!”
…Was this girl serious?
It just goes to show that the physical attraction is- in some cases- the only reason why these unions happen. Okay brothers, I’ll give you that. Some men enjoy having gorgeous exotic looking women of different backgrounds and ethnicities to trophy around with…but ask yourselves, are your parents going to approve of your relationship?
Maybe so, but what about her parents? Are they really as open-minded as she is? The truth is, not all parents are as accepting and open minded as their children.
Do not misinterpret what I’m saying, I do have a lot of white, Asian and Hispanic female friends who date Black men. They are girls with good heads on their shoulders, who are usually friendly, more reserved, smart and very genuine. They have no problem being my friend, and I have no problem being theirs.
It may just be from what I’ve seen around my campus, but the other-race girls who only go after Black men for their well-endowed features, are the ones who do not take the time to befriend black women.
Those girls stick to their own "kind". They’d rather say the curiosity about the physical pleasure was the reason they did it. Those are the kind of girls I overheard saying the above statement.
Brothers, let’s not take this completely as a compliment. You should be offended by such a blatant proclamation. What does this say about you? ”I don’t like black men” means I don’t like black people, and “I just like black d***” means I don’t see you for who you are.
I’ve dated white men, Hispanic men, and even an Asian once. But ultimately and collectively, they don’t want black women either. Of course there are some exceptions to this, one of my best white male friends only dates black women.
Who you choose to date is completely up to you. This article isn’t about that- it is about the reality of human attraction. It is about why Black women in general are becoming the least desired women of all.
We’re too strong-minded, independent, practical, and unadventurous. We argue too much. We work too much. We’re not as fair skinned or pleasing to look at. We like to dress down more than dress up. We’re not always creative in bed. Our hair doesn’t always blow in the wind, and isn’t always our own. We talk too much. We don’t give oral pleasure (says who?), we don’t want to cook every day (actually I love to cook), and we won’t stay with you after you cheat on us (yea, maybe not).
But if that’s why you’d rather not have us, then by all means, as Tyler Perry would say, have your 20%.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Superhead's Boyfriend Fights Back
According to his complaint, Darius said that Steffans "jumped on the trunk of my car and then the roof of my car. She started beating my vehicle and windows."
He also claims that Steffans tried to break the windows of his car with her fists!
Finally, McCrary alleges that Steffans "slapped me so hard that she hit a bystander." McCrary also claims that Steffans is a stalker, and that she damaged several thousand dollars worth of property.
Geto fab ya'll!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Wendy Williams and her Love Challenged Husband

Wendy Williams husband Kevin Hunter was recently accused of trying to have Miss Jones, the rival DJ at Hot 97 killed after she said some nasty words about Wendy Williams. The allegations were made in a federal lawsuit filed by Nicole Spence, Wendy's long-time assistant, who has accused Kevin Hunter of sexual harrassment.
Hunter was recently caught on tape having sex with a woman that is not his wife. This has added fuel to the speculation that some of the rumors about his behavior are true.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Bill Clinton's Alleged Love Child: The British Press is Pushing the issue

Saturday, June 7, 2008
Black Women Deserve to Marry.... BUT

Friday, June 6, 2008
Karrine Steffans: Superhead - Is this Black Love or Black Prostitution?
Given that Karrine really doesn't do much of anything that millions of other women don't already do, does that make her a dirty woman or a woman who is simply liberated with her sexuality? Perhaps the fact that Karrine, who is known (to be honest) as a "superhoe" respects herself as a great mother, good cook and wonderful lover, perhaps this implies that we are the ones who are rigid and need to rethink our perception of sexuality.
I am not sure how to process all of this, but I can say that given that there are a lot of superheads who let it loose behind closed doors, perhaps we should not just Karrine as harshly as we have in the past. At the very least, even a woman named "Superhead" doesn't deserve to be beaten by her boyfriend.
Here is a video....you be the judge:















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